starting over, part TWO

I should have probably washed my hands before this.  The dirt and paint on my hands are only partially caked dry.  I am typing on the tips of my fingernails.  Despite the grime, it feels dainty and polite.   

_

Dear Friend, another list.

1. today i spent the whole day cleaning.  

2. a drawer led to a closet which led to laundry, and storage, and heavy lifting, and spiders.  which led to 9 p.m., where all the time went.

3. my body screams uncle.  the low back especially.  

4. but my heart is happy, my mind is still.  

5. today i was quiet, very quiet.  thinking, i was thinking.

6. what a wonderful day.

7. what a wonderful day.

8. isn’t that right, james?

Image

(this is james, by the way.  my latest painting in progress.  i named him james.)

what number am i on, 9? yes.  he says, yes, you’re very right.

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I was getting my hair cut yesterday.  I go to a Korean salon in the middle of a supermarket – my hairdresser there is magic.  While waiting, I found a book on a bookshelf called, ‘The Sea.’ There were corals. Shipwrecks. Sharks.  And then, pinned next to a photo of some exceptionally deep, deep sea creatures, was a quote  from Herman Melville’s Moby Dick.

“Hither, and thither, on high, glided the snow-white wings of small, unspeckled birds; these were the gentle thoughts of the feminine air; but to and fro in the deeps, far down in the bottomless blue, rushed mighty leviathans, sword-fish, and sharks; and these were the strong, troubled, murderous thinking of the masculine sea.”

I’ve read this quote over and over, over the past few days.  It’s so good.  Whenever I read something this good, my heart pounds audibly.  I start making hand gestures to myself while repeating it in my mind.  But, finding this the other day uncovered other truths, overlapping, speaking all at once.  First, I think it’s been a while since I’ve been this thrilled over written words.  Second, I don’t know why that is.  When did I stop swimming in books that slay me, that made me want to read more, and write?  Maybe it’s the projects, the promises, everyone else’s favorite books.  My self-imposed study.  My lists.  The shot.  The running.  But all I know is that I read this quote and distinctly said to myself, “This is me.”  And I felt so wonderful, so alive.  

 

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One thought on “starting over, part TWO

  1. Pingback: james loves adventure | thirty things

some sugar

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