My friend, it’s election season. It is time to wave our patriotic freak flags. It is time to weigh in on serious debates, from the microcosmic (RE: foreign policy) to the macrocosmic (insert favorite meme here:_______). Let’s have at it. I see your two cents. Very shiny.
But, wait, who are we kidding? Here I was about to serve you my opinion, support it with incredibly inarguable facts (supportive JPEGs affixed), and I’ve just remembered that you cannot be assuaged. No, you are right, you are always right. You can name at least 5 celebrities who share your exact opinion. Your websites are more popular than mine. Your fact-checkers have fact-checkers. I actually feel guilty disagreeing with you. In fact, pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, I do agree with you, if that makes this any easier. Does it? Mhmm. Wait, does it?
It’s good to be angry. If no one pointed out iniquity, nothing would ever be resolved. So, you are right to be angry. You are right to point at something with a wagging finger if it insults your moral fiber. But what do we make of the person standing opposite you, wagging his finger just as vigorously? Does he know no shame? Has he even an ounce of humanity? His voice is raising! His eyes are crazy. Do you know what his problem is, besides being godless, depraved, and indisputably disagreeable? You can’t say anything without offending him. Everything you say, he shakes to the ground to stomp the wrong out of, he so refuses reason. Is what you say.
I will tell you a secret. I don’t know which mayan I’m voting for, this 2012. It would make you sick, how bipartisan I am. Considering the wide spectrum of people I’m privileged (or obliged by blood) to know, I’m exposed to such extreme differences of opinion and sensibility, it would be impossible to wear a t-shirt without provoking some sort of backlash. So that makes me, what? Nimbly-wimbly? Wobbledy-bobbledy? Ouch, my friend. That really hurts. But no, you are right, you are always right. I do agree with you.