i am in love, and other belated confessions

A funny story.  At dinner, over the weekend, somehow this happened:

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A conversation with friends led to phones coming out, which led to a surprise Facebook status update.  Surprise.  I’m in a relationship.  Special edition surprise —  we’ve actually been dating for almost four years.

My friends obviously know this, and most family has been introduced.  But I haven’t personally told anyone else.  And for old acquaintances – or readers who haven’t met me at all – I imagine one could easily surmise that I’m a candidate for ‘girl most likely to legally marry her customized embosser.’  Or a baked good.  (It’s a love triangle).

So why so secretive?  And why tell you now?  Admittedly, I do have rules I’ve unabashedly just broken, to never blog about my boyfriend.  I’ve never liked how we know so much about each other through the Internet, instead of touching base in person.   And then there’s the part of me that just wanted to protect and preserve something that is good, and keep it to myself.  There’s nothing worse than feeling cheated for sharing something special, just to satiate someone’s curiosity.

However, for all this, my convictions have been trumped by one most recent revelation — that I take myself too seriously sometimes.  Plus, I asked, and he gave me permission.  So today, with a light heart, I’d like to share some sweet details about mon ami and moi.

1. he actually lives in another state.
a. he has one more year of med school to go

2. but he was here this past memorial day weekend!
a. hooray!
b. and we saw a lot of things, and ate a lot of things, and started ‘arrested development,’ except it wasn’t as fun as just hanging out so we stopped and danced to daft punk, and ate churros and drank champurrado.
c. I also made this cake to celebrate:

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IMG_0389a walnut crumb cake, drenched in a coffee and star anise syrup, with a dollop of freshly whipped cream.  it was ooh la la.

3. while it has almost been four years, if you count the days we actually get to spend together — we just met.
a.
what is his name?  I have no idea.

4. in lieu of the distance, some challenges posed are 
a. not seeing each other
b. arguments on face time
c. being told by friends and family that we need to spend more time together

5. fingers are always crossed.  
a. because it is challenging to suspend future plans
i. of netflix marathons
ii. of ambitious recipe nights
iii. of breakfast
iv. of travel
v. of puppies
b. because arguments are hard to settle on face time, and easy to resolve with a hug
c. because, on a selfish note, everything is better when he is around
i. better laughs
ii. better food
iii. nature is better
iv. everything is better and more beautiful

6. but to be fair, some advantages to being apart are
a. we have things to do, separately
i. he has school, I have my dad
b. i still don’t know the capital of canada
c. and as you know, i also nurse several complexes about what next, and what will i be? and are you there god?  it’s me, margaret.
d. somehow he is still here, despite seeing all the wrongs sides of me

7. P.S. my boyfriend is el guapo in many different languages
a. he speaks fluent espanol, is proficient in japanese
b. and from the looks of it, he will probably speak more tagalog than me in a few years
c. also, aunties love him, and constantly recommend their own daughters for him, in front of me
i. this last bit is no fun.  stop it, aunties!  he’s mine.

8. most importantly, my boyfriend has a heart that beats like it should
a.
I’ve honestly never met anyone as kind as my boyfriend, as considerate.
b. he’s driven by all the right things, by the desire to be useful to this world, to serve it
c. our relationship aside, he is a moving, important existence to me
i. I like him so much, don’t you?
d. for the record, the B.F. in boyfriend also stands for ‘best friend.’
i. right?

I’m sorry we’ve never had this conversation before.  I’m sorry if I hid him like a furtive squirrel hides their winter food stash in July.  I’m sorry, friends, if you’ve only ever heard of him when I’m stressed, or freaked out about my future.  The truth is, I’m growing up and older, and I’m realizing what it is to be in love, and how to share it.  And while I don’t think a blog post about my boyfriend is going to change the world, I just wanted to introduce you to someone who inspires me, and makes me want to be a better version of myself.  He reminds me of all the important things.  He makes me want to be also useful to this world, and to find my purpose in it.  He makes me happy!  So happy!  And, it’s purely a coincidence, a blessing, that he happens to love me too.

I love you, friend.  Thanks for sharing this.  Come over, so you can have some walnut crumb cake also.  Happy, happy summer!

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2 thoughts on “i am in love, and other belated confessions

some sugar

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