Signing into WordPress today, I was struck by several conflicting thoughts. There were the things I had brought to the table, to report. A birthday, some garden musings, at least two observations on the resilience of the human spirit… But then, I couldn’t. I can’t. Hands are in the air. The trouble with today, today, is that none of the things I initially meant to write about really interest me. Today. At this moment. No dresses fit. There is nothing in the closet to wear. One must wonder, then, without crucial tools like interest and inspiration, and clothes — how will we have a conversation worth reading, you and I?
The trouble with moods is that sometimes they can be unfounded and unsuspecting. Almost like dreams, with no tangible sense of a beginning or an end. Almost like food cravings or migraines or a very exotic pet, it can be troubling to find yourself saddled with a sudden specificity, troubling to find a solution for it. Thankfully, I’m not in the sort of mood that requires a cross-country drive to a roadside diner for their renowned and very delicious French onion soup. I’m not nursing any extremes either — I’m not angry or depressed or ecstatic or bored. It’s more of a what movie should I watch? sort of state. A where will my finger land when the globe stops spinning? sort of feeling. I am in the mild mood to be transported.
That said, I am feeling secretive about where I will land (I will probably just watch ‘Jurrassic Park’ and call it a night). And I do have pictures to share that you may enjoy. So while we all meditate introspectively about our moods, a few pictures for the background.
This week, dad jay has returned. He returned a day before his birthday, father’s day. And if you are wondering whether I am making up this convenient double-holiday, which happens to fall on the same year that mom jay’s birthday falls on mother’s day, no, that is really how magical my life is. Every seven years, an insurmountable amount of pressure befalls this delicate only child. And it is always a happy occasion.
I asked dad jay what kind of cake he’d like, because no one has diabetes on their birthday. He said he wanted birthday pie. Any kind. He likes them all. In the end, we ended up with blueberry.
The funny thing is that my mother and I didn’t officially invite anyone. However, we nursed a suspicion people would drop by anyway — a luxury of having a large, extended family. Sure enough a handful of his siblings came, as well as cousins, neighbors, and friends.
Meanwhile, to celebrate, the Lewisia Elise bloomed a bit more
Meanwhile, troubles I had been mulling over repeatedly turned a new leaf.
You’ve heard of painters who return to the same position, at the same time each day, to paint a subject. When I think about it, it is an incredible feat to freeze a frame of mind, to capture a moment with all its feelings and meanings. It is challenging to mean one thing all the time, in any creative endeavor. This is often where skill and focus are applied, to finish your work. But it can also signal a new direction.
I can’t tell if the pictured events have anything to do with my current transitional mood – why I cannot seem to meditate on old haunts. But I will acknowledge that there is something redemptive I am enjoying. A certain freedom. A certain humanity that is wherever my finger lands.